Today I went to my first yoga class after having baby #2. It was a challenging vinyasa class and it felt amazing, hard but amazing. The teacher had us repeat “I choose ease” to ourselves while we started class in child’s pose. Sure, that was an easy one to say in my head while in child’s pose, but it felt much different when I was holding plank with one leg lifted in the air. In that moment, it sounded more like a question than a statement: “I choose ease?” Was I really choosing ease in that moment? Am I actually choosing ease in life? Is it really that easy just to choose it?
I just had a baby. My threenager has as much energy as a tornado and he is a monster at bedtime. I see the familiar lines of sleep deprivation creeping in when I look in the mirror. Ah yes my friend, I remember you. I have been told that I seem to have this mom thing "figured out”. I’ve also been told I’m doing it wrong. Many times. It’s easier with baby #2, but I still question so much about so many things all the time. We just take these little beings home from the hospital and we’re supposed to know what to do with them? Really? There are days when nothing seems easy. There are hours when I live far from ease. There are moments when I can’t even figure out how choosing ease is an option.
Yesterday I did something I never would have done when my first child was 7 weeks old. I was too anxious, too high strung with baby #1. Yesterday I left my kids with my mom and went to get acupuncture. It felt so good. So this morning I left the kids with my mom again and I went to a yoga class. I haven’t taken a yoga class in ages. And it felt so good. Tomorrow I’m thinking about going on a run. I bet it’ll feel so good.
So I’m giving this ease thing a shot. I’m choosing ease. Even when life is busy and tiring and taxing, I’m choosing ease. Today I made myself a cup of tea, and it felt like ease. I laid down with my baby instead of folding laundry, and it felt like ease. My toddler said “stupid” and then looked at me waiting for a reaction, I ignored him and it felt like ease.
Life isn’t always smooth right now. Babies cry and threenagers scream and to-do lists get so long. But that’s all ok. I think I’m going to embrace this ease thing. I’m just going to roll with it and choose it and perhaps it really is that easy.